if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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