tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
