You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
