I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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