I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
