I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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