Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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