We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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