I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
