If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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