i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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