I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
