I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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