just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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