k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
