I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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