And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
