Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
