she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
