If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
