Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
