There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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