Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
