When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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