We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
