Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
