He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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