Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
