Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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