She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
