2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
