we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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