Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
