I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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