So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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