I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
