I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
