His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
