Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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