I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
