I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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