Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
