She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this will be a night to untag.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
