she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
