now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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