I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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