She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
