would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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