if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
