My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
