Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
